So my Dad, who lives with us now, gets up early. Last Friday morning he came downstairs at 6am and thought I was dead. Why? Because I had fallen asleep in my chair at the dining room table where my computer sits. I don’t remember when I fell asleep, there was just a half typed document that made little sense on my computer and I don’t even really remember working on it, him waking me, getting up, and getting in bed. I remember my son coming into my room around 9:00am to tell me he had finished his homework and asking if he could play video games and mumbling, “sure”, and I remember finally dragging myself out of bed around 11 or 11:30 maybe. Somewhere in there I think I answered a call or two and responded to some text messages. I really don’t know. It’s all a blur.
When I finally reheated some coffee still in the pot and started to get my wits back about me I realized - “this is insane, I can’t keep doing this”. This constant stream of news, the constant contact, the doing whatever we can while being able to do so little, the fear and uncertainty of it all, the daily chores of life that still abound but needing to find new ways to accomplish them all...how do we keep up?
And then there is the guilt. I am not a healthcare worker, I don’t work at a nursing home like my brother and care for those at greatest risk. I’m not interacting with hundreds of people a day at the grocery store or the WaWa, or in a delivery fulfillment factory. I am not out of work and I am not fearful of how to provide for my family at the moment. What do I have to complain about? Nothing. I have nothing to complain about.
My brother on the other hand works his butt off at a retirement community kitchen each and every week. He works hard, really hard in normal times. In this time, his schedule is all messed up. Everything is up in the air. He arrives and has his temperature checked and he’s asked about possible symptoms. Then he goes to work. The next day he repeats it all again to help feed people who need the help.
I thought about all this and that is when I had a bit of a realization. We are all doing the best we can in this time and all of our lives are different with varying demands. There are only two things we can ask of ourselves in this time: (1) do the best we can and (2) know our limits. Beyond that, we lean on God cause, well, duh.
We are promised in faith that we are not alone in anything, that God is with us in all things, that even in the darkest of times we are held in God’s love and care. As we do the best we can, God is with us. When we are fearful and uncertain, God is with us. When we are on the frontlines of this crisis, God is with us. And yes, when we’ve reached our limit and break God is there too. (I’d be happy to give you scripture references - please feel free to email but make sure you read up first cause that’s basically the whole Bible).
So I’m going to try and understand my limits and I’m going to have a little trust as well. I’m going to trust that my friends and neighbors care for me as much as I care for them. I’m going to trust that the people who are working so hard now must be cared for and respected and that I am a part of that. I’m going to trust that I can be a part of helping those who are struggling. I’m going to trust that I, and all of us, will keep sharing the life, love, and joy of Jesus Christ (from a distance). I’m going to trust that God is with me, and all of us, in all of this mess.
My brother has the weekends and evenings off. I used to give him a hard time about not getting groceries or not helping to clean around the house and instead just watching some show from the 80’s or a comic book movie again. I don’t do that anymore. He needs his rest. He needs his time. He’s working for people in the midst of all of this and if he needs some time to watch Spider-Man for the 300th time then so be it. He’s earned it (and good Lord that’s a huge understatement - on both how often he rewatches movies and his need and earning of a break).
I’m going to take a day off too. From the news, from worrying so much (but keep worrying some and take this seriously!!!!), from going anywhere beyond the door (ok, that one I’ve been taking a few days off from but way less than usual!), from the computer, from the internet, from everything. I’m going to take a day off and trust in myself to do the right thing during this time. I’m going to trust in my neighbors to do what is necessary and what is right for us all, and I’m going to trust in God to be with each and every one of us in all this - I hope you do the same.
Share the life, love, and joy of Jesus Christ by loving and serving your neighbors, by being responsible, by taking care of yourself, and by trusting that God is with you in it all. And then, take a break for a minute or two, you’ve earned it.
Your fellow servant in Christ,
Pastor Suloff
